It’s been awhile since I’ve written about our journey. My husband was deployed for 6 months in Jan of 2015. I took that time to work on myself, I decided to go back to school and lose weight in the process. I lost over 40 pounds with exercise and clean eating. January of 2016 my sister decided to come and spend a few days with us here. It was nice to see her after a few years of not being home. Well in February I found out I was pregnant with our little surprise rainbow. I was in complete shock, we didn’t have any fertility treatments to help us. I cried for two days in shock then I was in denial for about a month until we saw our little on the ultrasound and the sweet sound of his heartbeat a million emotions just flooded my body. It wasn’t a very easy pregnancy, I thought I was going to lose him a time or two so I was very cautions on my working out and did low impact activity. On November 4th we welcomed our sweet little boy Douglas Craig Little III
I know it’s been awhile since I’ve written…. we did end up pregnant again with our Rainbow in April of 2014 sadly the day I found out I was pregnant I started bleeding again. I was bleeding for three weeks straight but my levels were going up so I wasn’t to concerned on having ANOTHER miscarriage. Well I was up in Washington State for my God sons 1st birthday…. well I ended up in emergency surgery for having a ruptured ectopic. Well fast forward I had to have an Hsg done (tubes clear) got the ok to start treatmeant again. November had 2 follies… nothing… December had 32 follies… so now our only option is IVF…. however this baby factory is closed. I have came to the decision to move on with our lives and if it happens it happens. I can’t keep going through doctors appointments and shots and disappointment month after month… if we are blessed with a baby I will be over the moon… if not I have my two fur babies that I love to death 🙂
Now that we’ve started treatment for our Rainbow baby I decided to start a Journal. It will have all the information about my miscarriage, surgeries, injections and dr appointments. It will have thoughts and letters from me and Doug in it. When we think Rainbow is old enough we will give it to him/her or them…
I know I haven’t written in a while but with the holidays coming up it’s hard. We got a “Babies first Christmas” ornament for our tree and when I was looking for them I completely lost it in the middle of the store… I just wanted to get out of there…. 6 weeks until my “due date” I really wish I was having Gabriel but instead I’m empty this Christmas… Which brings me to my second point… I went in today for my two week follow up from my surgery and NO MORE TISSUE!!!! We get to start treatment next week. The meds are getting ordered this week!!! Eeekkk SO excited but nervous and scared at the sametime… One day at a time!!!
Now that we’re moved and settled into our house I’ve started to do things to keep me busy… Baby sitting, crafts, baking. I’ve always liked to bake and take photo’s well my camera has been broken for a few years and have never gotten a new one (tax return) *hint hint* hubby… One of the new things I’ve started is Crafts… Here are a few that I’ve been working on.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, my heart hurts.
Every time I see a new baby, my heart hurts.
Every time I walk by the baby section in the store, my heart hurts.
You were my pride and joy. I had so many dreams for you. Dreamed of what you would of looked like. What you would of done with your life. What a charmer you would of been like your Daddy. I dreamed of what your smile would of looked like when the doctor laid you on my chest for the first time. Now those will only be my dreams not my reality. I miss you my sweet Little Bear. Fly high with the Angels and sleep tight tonight. Mommy and Daddy love you!